Figuring It All Out!

I think I had a break through this morning. Since Cam was born he has been held every second. Either it's me, my husband, my mom, my dad, my brother, Nana or SOMEONE is around to hold him. Needless to say it's getting to the point that when he's crying its because he's not being held. Even to sleep he needs to be held. This is very frustrating for me because during the day I have things to do and these things could be done while he naps, so that when he's awake I can focus on mommy son time. So my days are spent, holding him while he sleeps...about an hour. Him waking up, us playing for about 2 hours, nursing him and then holding him all over again. Don't get me wrong, my son is everything to me and I adore his cute little sleeping face nuzzled into me but I have laundry, cleaning and I am taking online classes. So this morning I laid 2 quilts on the floor (I do this normally because he loves to roll around) and nursed him on the floor with a pillow in my lap and he feel asleep and then i laid the pillow on the quilts and boom! he slept for 45 minutes on his own. Usually when i lay him down he wakes up almost immediately...but today he opened one little eye and I was doing homework and in clear view and he looked at me smiled and closed his eyes. I guess as long as I am in seeing distance life is good and he feels safe enough to fall back asleep. When he's in his crib, he cant see me and panics. This was my ahh-hawww moment. Granted, it was one morning and later on today when I try the same thing it may not work. But I go 45 minutes of uninterrupted work done for school and that for me is a good day.

Last night we tried the crying it out method and my heart became broken listening to those horrible cries. Seth made me wait 5 minutes before diving to him and scooping him up in my arms and promising him to never let that happen again. Whatever, so he sleeps with me at night, its our cuddle time and if that's what he needs to get a good nights sleep ...that's what i need to do. Seth has other ideas, but for now this is what is working. Its funny how moms and dads have completely different ideas on how to get baby to sleep, or really even to raise a baby. I have this natural STRONG instinct to jump to him every time he cries or even makes a noise. I cant help myself. The last 2 nights he has slept so well. He slept at least 3 hours straight! Last night he slept 4 HOURS STRAIGHT! The only thing that has changed is that i haven't given him any cereal. Which is wierd that would be affecting his sleep because its only breastmilk and cereal...but maybe it's giving him an upset stomache. I am going to skip the cereal again tonight and see if we can pull 3 nights of awesome sleep! I used to sleep 12 to 14 hour days and now sleeping 2 straight hours seems like a nice time and 4 hours is a luxury. My oh my how things change when you become MOM.

Its no secret that me and seth have been off and on and on again for the last 6? years. Well the other night we got into it and he left hte bedroom to sleep on the couch. I followed him out, expecting to continue arguing but for once in who knows how long, we talked it out. For the first time since probably becoming pregnant we talked to eachother instead of at eachother, listened to eachother and came to an agreement and settled on it. We finally worked something out, instead of ignoring it and then facing it again when another fight came along. Or fighting about it for days and then coming to a settlement. It was amazing and we both agreed later, a turning point in our relationship. If we can survive marriage, a 5 month old screaming, not sleeping, only wanting mommy child and living with my parents ohh and did i mention pennyless..we can survive anything!!!!!!! So, hopefully we will. I beleive that we can and will. Even after all these years, and all of the BS we still manange to love eachother and miss eachother throughout the day. I love being with him and wait around all day for him to come home, even though we had a fight the night before. I have also been thinking and have changed my ways of fighting with him about everything. Some things he will never change about himself, and thats okay because i wont change some things about me either. We just have to adapt. So I am picking my battles! But, the baby is crying...like usual.. So I'm back to being Mommy. I'll write later on my thoughts on "how to save a marriage"