Offical Blogger!

So I have decided to join this "blogger craze". I have some thoughts behind blogging and what really convinced me to start!
1). Help keep my sanity
2). I love writing and always have thoughts storming around in my head.

So here's some back round on me. I married my on and off again boyfriend of 5 years this past summer after finding out I was pregnant. What a shock to the system that was. We had just gotten back together and boom a month later I was pregnant. Of course I panicked and Mexico never sounded so good as it did in that moment, but I realized that I was always wanted to be a mom, and age shouldn't be a factor. I mean, at least I graduated high school and was intending on going to college. In fact, almost a month exactly before finding out, I had signed up for a Medical Assisting course and was starting classes. So how hard could becoming a mom be? I mean I'd have to get through telling my non-approving of boyfriend parent's but they'd eventually get over it and he had a semi-good paying job. Things would be perfect. I'd have this adorable baby bump and then have the most perfect, well-behaved little darling anyone had ever seen. Was I in for it or what?! I told my mom and she was so angry at me she couldn't even look at me and as for telling my dad I left that up to her. They had been married for 25 years, if she couldn't tell him then how was I going too? Looking back I regret not sitting my parents down and just spilling my beans for them, but as that saying goes "wish I would have known then what I know now" is becoming the motto of my life. My father was more hurt that I didn't tell him then anything else. Oops. I feel really guilty. They got over it as I presumed they would and convinced us to move in with them. My boyfriend went kicking and screaming but did the right thing! We got married June 30 and it was the perfect day minus the fact that I was 6 months pregnant and miserable in the heat. But family and friends surrounded us and supported us and that's all that mattered to me. Plus, there he was, the most perfect man in the world for me, standing there smiling back. Life was good.

Skip ahead to October, 70 pounds heavier and I woke up crying every single morning blaming Seth (my husband) for putting me through this and begging for my unborn child to come out. It was not a pleasant 9 months and I was in and out of the hospital with high blood pressure, horrible aches in my stomach and was probably being a huge baby about the entire thing but hey, it was my first time how was I to know that peeing your pants did NOT mean labor was only hours a way. But on October 17 at 4:26 A.M. I held the most beautiful, sweetest little creature God ever created. From the gecko he was the most pleasant baby. An angel...until we brought him home and he discovered his vocal cords.

Currently life is a bit chaotic to say the least. Living with my parents first and foremost is stressful. God bless them for allowing us to live here and providing for us and guiding us through this....they just need to learn there opinions are there's and not ours. My husband struggles with authority and feels we are under constant surveillance, which is more then likely the case. I hear on a daily basis how I am doing SOMETHING wrong with MY child and I apperciate the help but enough is enough sometimes. If I don't jump to my son's first cry then I am "neglecting" him which as anyone who knows me knows this is NOT the case my dad just loves to tease me. Which in turn leaves me feeling the most guilt, on top of the guilt for taking a second for my self. My son is as any 5 month old, needing constant cuddling. He refuses to sleep alone, play alone, or do anything without ME holding me. He's in this phase where its MUMMA MUMMA MUMMA. No one but MUMMA. A break is my book is a shower and I am lucky to have that. Usually I have a friend right there outside of the shower curtain wailing for me to come out. To break the cry I play peek-a-boo so getting a good full washing really doesn't happen that often. (TMI? too bad!) Plus, since I am a stay at home mom my parents...(excuse me my dad) expects the house to be spotless and did I mention that my brother and his girlfriend live here and dont do anything to help out around here. So 7 people live here and me and my mom are the only ones expected to clean...and she works 40 hours a week. It's sooo stressful. Luckily my parents own a 5 bedroom house so we are spaced out and get our own privacy ..thank god! My husband is counting the days until we can afford our own place. We chose not to rent as we feel its a money pit and hard to get out of to own. Living here is a decision we made and its not that bad..well at least some days aren't that bad.

Most days I am alone with my 5 month old son. He's the best gift in the world! He's teething at the moment so anyone whos a mom knows that these are not the funniest days. But I am surviving. Him smiling back at me makes everything well worth it. Laying in bed at night with my husband and baby boy between us makes my heart swell. I thought I had felt love with my husband but nothing compares to the "mini-him". Those boys have my heart. But as any relationship we not are perfect. Sometimes I feel we are fighting just to fight. Just to scream and get out what we have been wanting too from the last fight. We always make up, after he leaves to cools off and I cry to my mom. She must be so sick of hearing it! I have been with him since I was 14 and although we have our ups and downs nothing makes me happier then just spending the day with him and my son. Nothing complicated just my itty bitty little family!

Did I forget to mention that we live on a farm? We have 3 dogs 4 horses and 3 chickens. And I guess the rumor is my dad wants some cows and pigs this spring. So needless to say this is a pretty busy place to be. Of course, there's never a dull moment but sometimes that's all I dream about...peace and quiet! Well that's it for now. But don't worry there's lots more where all that came from :D