Real quick

Just wanted to blog real quick and get a few things off my mind...



1. Packing sucks.
I have never really packed my stuff and moved per say, I lived with Seth for a little while but never officially packed my stuff and moved. Now I am. And 20 years of stuff is not a good thing. I have SO much junk. Old diaries, old letters, old poems....all kinds of stuff that I want to save, I just don't know where I am going to put it?


2. MOVING SUCKS
who ever said that it was easy or fun..is crazy. Moving to the 3rd floor, makes matters even worse

3. Picking out paint colors is hard enough, the paint color on the wall not matching the paint chip is really not a good thing.
I picked this great color green to go with my "shabby chic" image and the color green I picked came out really lime greenish...not what I imagined when I was thinking "shabby chic". Seth was like OMG is that really the color? As if the landlord had played some cruel joke on us and painted this hideous lime greenish color.

4. Husband + Painting = DISASTER.
Just don't do it. Ever.


...That's it for now. Back to slave painting. Cross your fingers that the remaining colors look as they are supposed too!!

Loves to all <3

5 More Days

Until I move out!! Yay!!!

Here are the pictures from my saturday at willow brook! It was so much fun!



this was the fake cow that kids are allowed to "milk"





And this was the tractor that Camden Loved!















Loves!!

This Is The Way I Live....

Tonight I was blog-hopping (I AM ADDICTED) and stumbled on a blog that mentioned everything she wanted to accomplish in the next year. Now, I could do a list that consists of things I want to accomplish in my 20's, but that's 10 years, and honestly, a list that long will scare me away. Let's take in months people. I thought that it was a great idea, although I am not sure that even if I write the words will I actually fulfill what's written. I have this issue committing. I kinda suck at it. ha. In the last 10 months I have done SO good dieting and working out for like a week or so and then I give up and stop. If I don't see immediate results I'm like screw this. SO here's my list of things I want to do in the next 12 months.

1.Keep a commitment
2.Lose the baby weight.
3.Pay off debt.
4.Get better about scrap-booking.
5.Eat Better.
6.Do Yoga!
7.Start running!
8.Stop judging.
9.Put clothes away after I fold them
10.Be a GREAT mom
11.Be a Better listener.
12. Stop focusing so much on what I don't have and realize how blessed I am to have everything I actually do have.

I will probably add more. We'll see. This'll be fun to see how far I get with it.

Today was an alright day. Last night, not so much. Camden woke up EVERY 30 minutes and just screamed. He has a sore throat...and I thought maybe an ear infection? But, I brought him to the doctor's and he just has a little bug. But, none the less, very fussy!! I feel so bad when he's sick like that, because there's nothing I can do. I am scared to give him any kind of pain reliever because when he was about 3 months old he was teething and I gave him some Motrin and he instantly got this horrible rash all over his face and body and his face started to swell. It was really scary. I brought him to the doctor's right away and they told me he was allergic to it and never to give it to him again. And then when he was about 5 months Old I gave him Tylenol and he started choking and gagging like he couldn't swallow or something and so I decided that Tylenol was no good either, even though my doctor reassured me it was fine. But its weird because he's fussy, but he's still his old cheerful self too. It like comes in waves. But he's sooo tired and sick. And all he wants to do (most of the time) is nurse and rock. Um, and have I mentioned that he has been BITING me....He wants to nurse, So I nurse him and then he bites. My boobs are so sore. And yes, I am some kind of delirious physco mom who feels that her child needs his boob milk until he is a year regardless if I am hurting and scared that I may never have sensation back ever again. Ohhh well, at least it will give him all the antibodies he needs!!!

Other then him being fussy fussy fussy and me being tired tired tired, not much is going on. Been working on school work, trying to get the finished. In my ways of being super excited can't stand it to move out moods and then being like no thank you, I don't want to move. At least I have my blazer back, did I mention that Seth has a truck now? Thank Jesus. I love just being able to leave when I want. Even though I haven't ventured too far because my poor little babe is sick.

On tomorrow's agenda, it looks like we are going to this great little place that I visited when I was like 10. It's called Willowbrooke, and its a great little "town" that is supposed to resemble the 19Th century. It's like you have stepped right back there and its really cool. You get to walk through the houses, and watch the machines being used like they were back in the 1800's...and all this really cool stuff! Tomorrow is a special event and the admission is free and they have a carousel ride! It's going to be a great time. I LOVE going places that are set to resemble "old times". Although, I am very scared of ghosts...I love old farm houses, I love learning the history behind such old things! I just love history. One day, I am going to learn more about my parents house. I plan on heading to the local library and rummaging through to see if there are any pictures (their house was built in 1830) or a story or SOMETHING. Or even something on the area. One day! Anyway, it s a great place to go, (from what I remember..?) here's the link: http://www.willowbrookmuseum.org/index.html

And then Sunday its Acton Fair Baby!!!

Got some cute pictures of Camden today just hanging out...




Then he Went over to the ENDLESS woodpile and decided to play in the wood shed.



Then I caught this..it was SO cute!





No pictures of the apartment yet...BUT soon!!!

Have a good one!
Bethany

La La La

Yesterday Me and Camden had a ball hanging out outside. Soaking up the sun and just having fun. I love how old he is and how we can actually do things together. It makes the day much more fun! When he was a little baby I loved it, but now we can do things, not just sit there. So it's exciting.


these are my parents horses. I love this picture!!!



My Parents Land!! SO beautiful!






Camden in his swing! It was actually the first time I put him in it and he LOVED it!!! Which is surprising, because when he was a newborn he HATED the swing!!!
And this is a picture of the tree:


I didn't get any pictures of the apartment...because I am a big giant loser and forgot the camera. But I will get some soon I promise! And the apartment finally looks better, its getting cleaner and cleaner!!!

Until next time,
Get outside and enjoy the (semi) warm days!!
Bethany

Is It Fall?

I am sorry but I was under the assumption that it was still considered summer. What lead me to this crazy assumption would be the calender, clearly stating AUGUST. The lovely news team that wakes up bright and early to report the day, and they clearly say August, so why when I go outside do i need to bundle up, close my windows at night, and not even bring the sunscreen out? Hmmm..welcome to Maine I guess. A bit depressing, I know. But if its all the same to you, I would prefer Summer to resume and fall to pick up at the appropriately allotted times. Thank you.

Yesterday we went and finally got to see the apartment without the old tenant's filth everywhere. The landlord has begun cleaning and I handed her my paint colors and we made the agreement to meet up tonight to help clean the rest of the dirty apartment. I am sorry but since when is cleaning an option? It's a priority people. Come on. 10 years without so much as lifting a broom? Or vacuum? GROSS. Tonight, the plan is to have wine and pizza and clean! yay! I am excited but really having anxiety about ACTUALLY moving out of my parent's house, aka, MY SAFE HAVEN. My little spot in the world that automatically make me happier, or sadder if the mood strikes, the only place where I feel that I be myself 150 % and live under the safe and confirmed assumption that its been cleaned regularly in the last 10 years.

When I came home, my mom, brother, his wife, and cousin Ian (who all reside her btw) piling up wood for the long winter nights that are coming. Stacking wood always brings back memories. It makes me feel cozy and happy. I think of the woodstove burning, my mom cooking, a delicous meal and just makes me feel like HOME. I will miss that when I move. I WANT to move, I just am having the normal ugh??? what the hell am I doing???? thoughts that normal people have right before they make such a major decision, such as moving out of their beloved parents house. Although, I will be glad that when my dad starts to blow a mental fit about something, I can leave. That will be nice.

I got some pictures of Camden in the woodpile and playing with some pieces. He's adorable, I know. And some of him this morning playing leap frog. He's growing up WAY to fast! Let;s take it down a notch please :D











Notice the red strawberry stains on his p.j's from breakfast this morning! Even manages to stain through the bib!! And please take note of how the little bugger was dressed last night, CARHART OVERALLS, A SWEATER AND WOOL SOCKS. ummm, summer don't leave so fast please stay a bit longer! I'll have pictures of the apartment tommorrow.

Have a WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY!!!

It's a lunar eclipse!

And Man do I feel it! Today was SUPPOSED to be GREAT day, but turned out to be one I would rather forget. I discovered just a few minutes ago that its a lunar eclipse and hence, why everything is so f'd-up. Ughhh...I woke up at 6:30 with the baby which is SOOO early and I hope not a habit! That would totally suck. So after going to bed at 1 I was up at 6:30. Blah. Then I went to get my massage which was good and relaxed me but stressed me out all at the same time. Stacey's (the massage therapist) channels and told me some things about my life, that I really was not in the mood to hear. I realize that things are not peachy right now, but dammit I don't need someone telling me about them out loud. I have enough floating around in my head to keep me occupied. thank you. Not that she didn't do her job and hit the nail on the head. Sometimes the truth hurts. Soooo that made me feel pretty shitty! I STILL recommend seeing her, honestly, she says things that she would not know otherwise and it's just a great experience. Her little massage place is purple with awesome fairies and angels..its soo amazing. She has incents and plays great music, and the massage is great. But, for whatever reason this time I felt kinda blah. My issues.

So, then I get home to a grouch who is hung-over and mad at me for bringing him the wrong kind of water (ooppss) and an over-tired fussy baby. And I was exhausted too. So that made for a shitty afternoon. Once I got the babe to sleep I laid on the couch, only to be awoken 10 minutes later to a screaming baby who refused to go back to sleep. Then I went out to eat with my parents, aunt, and my brother and sister-in-law only to hear some more of what I didn't want to hear. It just wasn't an over-all great experience. I just don't feel myself today. I feel really weird. Sad and I have anxiety. I think its lack of sleep that's doing it to me, and the move that's coming up, and the anxiety behind that. And that although I want to move out, I am mega scared. I just don't want to have to think about it or deal. And I really want to trust that its all going work out, although I have everyone and their brother telling me that me and Seth are going to fail. Like I can't raise Camden...I think that I have done a fine job thus far. I breastfeed him even though he bites me ALL the time, but don't give up because I know its best to breastfeed until he's 1. I eat right, I don't ever go out without him. I am going to school, I read to him every single day, if anything i OVER occupy him and OVER stimulate him, I spend all day playing with him and teaching him new things..I follow all the rules about what he should and shouldn't eat (except milk, I do give him cows milk!)....and still I get lectured on what I am doing wrong, what else I should be doing. Like tonight, I got sweet tea at the restaurant and wanted some sugar to put in it. So I kindly ask my father to pass me a packet of sugar and he goes "YOU AREN'T GOING TO FEED THAT TO CAMDEN ARE YOU"??, which sets off my mom who says "YOU CAN'T FEED THAT TO THE BABY"!!, who then sets off my aunt "OH MY GOD, HE'LL BE ON A SUGAR HIGH!" and I'm like "OH MY GOD I WANT IT IN MY DAMN TEA! IS THAT OKAY?" As if I would feed my 9 month old son a packet of fucking sugar. Its like that everyday...every step of the way. It's so hard to feel good about my self as a parent AND a person with these negative beings surrounding me telling what I am doing wrong, when i am not even close to doing what they think. Imagine living in that place. Stacey (the massage therapist) told me that I must get out of here for my soul. It's like breaking my spirit. And I see Seth's spirit breaking too. He has issues (don't we all), but what I am just supposed to do just stop loving him? Just forget our past, present and future? Forget that we made a baby?? Just walk away from everything. I have issues, you have issues, we all have issues. What's with the judgement??? I am trying to let go of judgement. God, don't people get that??? Don't they get that its MY life, let ME live it. Let ME make MY decisions?? I'm sure my parents didn't do everything they preach to me about. Seth is my husband, Camden is our son and I need people to see that.

I may joke a lot about him..call him a Mexican, tell him he's a crippled old man, nickname him china because his back is hurting him so I joke he's as fragile as China...but at the end of the day I am so glad that he's in my life. People I don't think, get how terrible it is living here. Emotionally speaking. It's like constant turmoil. I am forever in the middle of my parents and Seth, constantly getting it from both ends, and trying to keep the peace. Trying to be an AMAZING mother to Camden, a great wife to Seth, a good friend, a daughter and sister and niece, a good student a friendly stranger......UHHH!! If I was alone right now I Would SCREAM. I feel like my head's going to explode. I do get how Seth feels. I wish I had a magic wand to wave and make everything okie dokie. Things could be worse.


Sorry if I busted your positive bubble. I had to get it out. I have no one to turn too. I can't bitch to people about themselves. That just wouldn't work. Thanks for listening!


On a lighter note..here's the beautiful angel I get greeted by every morning <3



peace~

Biting Off More Then I Can Chew.

I am FOREVER coming up with new things that I want to do in my life. The unfortunate thing is that I am probably biting off more then I can chew. That may be a negative way to look at things, but honestly, its the truth. When I was in high school I wanted to go to college become a mid-wife, move to a 3rd world country and set up a clinic that would assist mother's who are pregnant and give them the proper education, guidance and support and allow them a safe "haven" to have their babies. That dream came from a Oprah episode where they were talking about the horrible conditions these mother's have to give birth in and how uneducated they are. Like after cutting the umbilical cord and putting dirt in it. That actually is a dream that I would still like to do. How great it must be to make such am impact on so many people's lives. I would LOVE to feel that accomplished. To help other's who are in desperate need. I bitch about getting a stain on my shirt, these people don't even have shirts.

Another dream came from "Teens Who Care" and this senior in high school had sheep and made sweaters and hats and scarfs from their wool and donated them to cancer patients. I felt like a bum for like a month after (I STILL DO!!). I never thought of anyone but myself in high school, and this young girl was out their donating all of her time and efforts. My mom couldn't even get my to clean my room.

These people who do these heroic things are angels on earth and deserve the right to have all their dreams come true. They are hero's because they are out there helping others who need it. I only wish I could find something as great as that and make an impact. I would fail horribly at knitting (I think?) it looks Way to complicated.

Althoug, I have made a baby quilt for my little boy! And am working on one for myself. So, I guess I could begin making quilts and donating them? Who knows. I know that I do enjoy quilting and I learned it all from my mom. She LOVES it.And its a running joke in my family that if she picked your name for Christmas you'll be getting a quilt. It's a joke, but everyone enjoys her famous warm quilts. I would love to follow in her footsteps. I am working on it.

Anyway, another dream that I would love is to write a book. I am not sure on what, maybe my life? I don't know, I LOVE to write, and find myself writing little things all the time. Ever since I was little, I remember sitting with my mom and writing out things and asking her if it made sense. Seth and I sometimes get together when we are feeling creative and talk about possible movie ideas, or book ideas...maybe one day we'll write a book together? Ha. I think we would kill each other, having to spend that much time together. I know that I will write about my life someday when I am older. I think it's important to leave something for your kids to properly remember you by. I wrote about this in a earlier post.

Something that I have been doing more lately is taking pictures! I would LOVE to take photography classes and buy a really nice camera. Not to get money for my pictures, just to have awesome pictures to look back on. Non of this disposable shit. Those come out like crap. Right now I am using a Kodak regular old digital camera, and although I have spent more time with it and figured out different things, it doesn't compare to a top of the line camera. Not saying that a nice camera will magically make me this amazing photographer, it will just improve the quality of pictures.

What else? I want a farm......every animal except reptiles and birds. I have this fear of birds, mainly chickens and get made fun of regularly about this phobia of mine. You see, I have lived on a farm my entire life. Always had chickens, horses, cows, ducks, bunnies, pigs, turkeys....and had to care for them. So you must be wondering how someone who literally lived with baby chicks and ducks and turkeys in the house could possibly be afraid of these innocent creatures? Well, I am here to tell you, first hand..that they are not innocent. When I was little, my parents got these chickens and they were MEAN. They would always run after us trying to peck us with there razor sharp beaks and talons. So, one day I was like six, I got off the bus and came face to face with the crazy chickens. I had no choice but to jump into my mom's car and wait for them to peck their away back to their coop. Well, it took longer then I anticipated and I ended up peeing my pants! Everyone still laughs at me and the jokes never end. I am traumatized though!!! It's a real problem. To this day, I still wonder why my Darling mother never came and wondered where I was?

Anyway, all animals except chickens and turkeys. Ducks, are gentle so I don't mind them and find them actually REALLY cute and not life threatening. Maybe one day I'll get to live my dream life and have my 4 kids, my loving adoring hard working hubby at my side, my little farm, my journal filled with great stories to share, my amazing pictures on my wall and just an all around great life.One can dream right?

Didn't do much today. Went to the beach, as we were driving there the fog settled and the beach was freezing and foggy. Not a good beach day. Camden enjoyed rolling around eating sand. Ha-he eats sooo much sand. When I take his diaper off it's just filled with sand. Then we came home and celebrated my aunt's b-day. Nothing really to talk about! A good day though. Camden has been sleeping in his crib a lot longer now. I stopped running to him with every cry, and now he will roll over and let out a little cry and go right back to sleep. One night he slept in his crib from 8 until 2:22!! He obv. woke up a few times, but over-all he slept really good. I am so proud<3 He's the cutest little baby. Tommorrow I am going for my monthly massage and getting channeled, I'll have to up-date what she tells me!! Ohh and if you are interested in getting one great massage I recommend Mainely You Massage, here's the link...
http://www.mainelyyoumassage.com/

so worth the money. seriously.

I finally figured out how to upload pictures from blogger and not deal with Photobucket, which doesn't even work. I resize them on there and they never transfer right. Sooo now that I know I can actually use the little picture icon, my pictures will no longer be cut in half and actually be viewable! yay!

Here's my little boy being cute and allowing me to try out my new "skills" I learned with the camera. He's such a good sport!







Ohh and Tami If you are reading this, HOPE THAT YOU ARE FEELING BETTER LOVE!! xo
Night All!

A little of this...a little of that

Nothing to really talk about tonight. I went to school in the morning....which was soooooo boring. Came home, ate lunch, attempted to lay Cam down for an afternoon nap, failed, tried again, failed. Went for a lovely walk in a cementary with my mom and visited the graves of my great memere and pepere and seth's grandfather's. Have I ever mentioned the eery story behind Camden's birthday? By eery I mean really awesome. Cam's b-day is 10-17. Seth's grandfather's b-day is 10-7 and he died 10-10. A combination of Cam's b-day. Camden's middle name is Donald and that was his first name, as is Seth's middle name is Donald and Seth is a spitting image of him. Everyone who sees seth knows he's donald's grandson..people who have never met seth! He looks sooo much like him. So handsome<3 kinda wierd though huh? And of course, the story of how my water broke on the 14th of October and the dr.'s let me go 3 days after until my actual due date which is the combination of seth's grandfather's birth and death. So wierd. Usually you have to deliver within 24 hours of the water breaking, but my dr. is obv. a retard and let me go longer even though the test PROVED it was amniotic fluid I was leaking. My poor baby Cam out all dry with loose skin from loosing weight. And not to mention my labor was a totally dry one and hurt like a mother. Next child- I am getting the epidural! None of this trying to brave stuff, breathing through the contractions. F that.At the point When you NEED the drugs its the point that its too late. And your screwed and forced to push through the pain as my lovely nurse Rachel was yelling in my face as I screaming the common sayings that were some where along the lines of "GET THIS THING OUT OF ME", '' I AM DYING, DON'T JUST STAND THERE, HELP ME"..."I HATE YOU SETH FOR DOING THIS TO ME"...ha. I am sure any Mother's out there know excatly what I am talking about. So I am big baby and thought that I was going to die. I was almost certain my life was flashing before me eyes. Then he came out and everything was all better. That great moment of awwww was followed by the worst pain I have ever felt in my ENTIRE life. And at THAT moment I thought I was dying. No maybe I am, maybe that's the light, I was DYING. My placenta wouldn't budge, due to the dryness of everything and so my dr. took it upon herself after only 2 minutes, and no breastfeeding to help streghten the contractions or anything, to drop my bed, feet in the air and proceed to remove my placenta from the inside out. OUCH. Thinking back it makes me cringe. It makes me want to cry actually, that's how bad it hurt. It hurt worse then the whole laboring process. It hurt more then a 7 pound 20.5 inch long baby coming out. yeah, never a good feeling.

ANYWAY. I digress. That birthday date thing is pretty crazy isn't it? I think so. I feel like his grandfather is his angel and I am so thankful he's watching over him! The walk was nice, then we headed home and my mom made dinner...OHH and Cam fell alseep on the way home and he slept in his carseat for another hour! Ekk. I did strain my muscles, but an hour of sleep for him was a great thing. I am getting better at removing the car seat. I am getting better at this whole mommy thing. After dinner we went and worked on my aunt's old farmhouse she is fixing up. But Camden wasn't too impressed and needed some gross motor activity so we came home, gave him his tubby, let him play with some toys and laid him ever so gently down, sang to him for 20 or so minutes rubbing his leg until he fell asleep and now here I am. Should be sleeping since last night he was up every 20 minutes. Not kidding. Seth was like HOW CAN THIS BE HAPPENING? Don't they start sleeping at some point? ha. he's funny. The night before he screamed until midnight and then refused to stay sleeping longer then an hour and woke up ready to play at 8 in the morning. I am sooo tired. So that's where I am going. Bed! Sweet Dreams.
=D Bethany

Confused???

So I have NO idea why my pictures are being cut in half. I tried to make them smaller on photobucket but they don't seem to be transferring over in there new size. If anyone reads this thing and knows what I am doing wrong, please tell me. thank you.

It Takes A Village

Never have those words rang as true as these last few days. Camden has been A MONSTER. Into everything!! Strangers in the store who complaint on how adorable he is, can't help themselves but blurt out to me that he has that "spark in his eyes". You know the one, where they are climbing anything that's taller then them, pulling on any cords laying around, tasting everything they come into contact with, and laughing when you tell them no. Yeah, that about covers my little guy. Thank goodness for everyone in my life who helps me stay grounded and provides me with "me" time. By "me" time I mean showering alone so I'm not telling Cam no every 2 seconds and soaking the floor because he's into the draws and cabinet under the sink, pulling the contents out onto the floor. He also finds the trash and toilet bowl cleaner very intriguing and lucky for me hasn't found the toilet paper yet. I'm sure he will and be pulling it all down on top of him self, amazed by how it just rolls off the tube. I am in for it, let me tell you. He's letting go and standing by himself and getting better and better with his balance and one of these days, he's just going to let go and take off!!!! Jeez, he's not my little baby anymore. He's my toddler. It went by WAY TOO FAST!! I am sad :( Luckily, I know that I'm not done having babies and I get to bask in my baby days again. I guess I am in the baby haze that everyone who's not in looks at you like you are some wacko wanting more kids. I can't help it I always wanted a big family. I want crazy nights at the dinner table, and great Christmas mornings and summer days spent drinking ice cold iced tea and laughing and summer nights playing manhunt. And ice skating in the winter and drinking hot cocoa. I want to create these great memories because I never had those with my brother. He was 5 years older then me, so I was always the pesky little sister that he locked in a closet every chance he got. I wish I was kidding, but sadly I am not. I was tortured!!! So, I want that fantasy of having my kids fight a little but mostly get along and love each other and be there for each other through childhood and adulthood. I watch my mother with her siblings and although they don't see eye to eye on everything, they are still there for each other and they know they can depend on each other. I want that for my kids. I know that I'll never sleep again, but sleeping your life away is not a way to live life. I'll sleep when I'm dead. I just want to live that simple American life that I am so grateful that I get the chance to live. Be with my husband and my kids and make great memories and just be happy. I don't need to travel or have lots of money ('though it would be nice :D), I just want my family and friends and great times. I always envisioned a big family, SO anyone who knows me knows that i make it happen. I knew I was going to marry Seth and have his babies...and low and behold I made it happen. Bad timing on my part, but hell, it's my story and I'll write it, thank you very much! I just want my "may berry". It won't be picture perfect, but it'll be my picture perfect, which includes the car breaking down at a very important can't cancel the appointment moment, the washer breaking when I have 4 kids who need clean clothes for school, the cake exploding in the oven right before a major important birthday party, my new favorite shirt getting stained right before going out (a rare occasion), 4 BIGGER THAN BABIES kids sleeping in my now tiny queen size bed, the dog puking all over the carpet, the cat ruining the new window screens, the milk spoiling in the fridge, finding out the roof needs to be repaired after going on a not so needed trip to Disney World, riding over the kids new bike in the drive-way......the list will I am sure go on and on.But those will be stories to sit back and laugh about after. Those are stories I can't wait to make. We make stories every single day and I love every moment of my crazy, hectic, sleepless life. I honestly wouldn't trade it for anything in the world<3





Ohh and this is for me. A reminder of how grateful I am that its August 2008 and NOT August 2007,


see why :


Phew!! Sooo glad.

Have a Good One!<3

It's your story...write it!

I am getting better about this blogging deal. Its only been 6 days since the last time!! Not much has happened in my ever so exciting life. Although tonight was pretty entertaining. Seth, Camden and I went to visit Seth's brother who had twins about 3 weeks ago and had dinner with them. I can't imagien having 2 babies at once, but we will go there another time.

We left at around 7:30ish and By the time we made it in the car and 2 seconds down the road Camden was of course ASLEEP. Which, by all means is a good thing in any other circumstance, but this time not so good. I hate when he falls asleep in the car because I have to ever-so-gently remove him from the car still attached to the seat and ever- so gently walk into the house and ever- so gently place him on the floor and pray that he stays sleeping, straining just about every muscle in my body, carry that heavy big ass car seat AND a 20 pound kid. Anyway, he fell asleep...blah. Of course, like every other time Camden has ever fallen asleep whether strapped into the car seat or not, he wakes up about 10 minutes after. And these 10 minutes, well were just about when we were pulling into our drive-way. Saves me from straining my muscles getting the car seat out. Anyway, I decided to give him a quick bath and lay him down. I turned the hot water on and couldn't help but feel like I needed a hot bath too. So I quickly undressed my self (feeling that he may be getting a wee-bit too old for these co-ed baths) undressed him and hopped in. No sooner had his butt touched the water and I had just settled in, a TURD began floating beside me. GROSS. I jumped up from the heavenly wonderfully hot water and ran to put on my p.j.'s to quickly save my precious baby boy from the now contaminated water. Well, he didn't like that very much and immediately went to reach for me and get to me by whatever means necessary. In this case, flopping out of the tub on his face like a wet baby seal. He under-estimated what would happen with such action and let out a wail when his face smacked the cold tile floor. My back was to him trying to pull my p.j. pants over my soaking wet legs when I heard this horrible scream, turned and ran to him, with his face down, butt in the air with *gross* poop still attached!!!! What a night. He was screaming, I was gagging and we had no one to help save us! We were on our own in this panic-stricken sisuation. Tonight was my mommy realize moment that there is never a dull moment when you have children around.

Lately, I have been noticing that your life is what you make it. If you want crazyness then there will be crazyness. If you want drama, drama you'll have. If you want happiness then you'll be happy. If you want love and kindness then that's what you'll have. My mother will forever have a list of things that she wishes to get done, things that she will regret never doing and a list of things that she did that she feels she was pressured into doing. I want to live my life doing things that I love and be with people who make me happy. I think that people who always seem to be doing what you want, and seem to be living a some-what similiar or more hetic life, just take the time to do things that make them happy. Maybe the laundry isn't done and there are dishes in the sink..so what? I really don't want to wake up one day at 40 years old and be like "Ohhh I wish I would have done THAT when I was younger.." It's Your Story...Write It!!!
I feel that its really important (and always have) to write your life down. I have always had a diary and plan on allowing my children to read it when they get older. I feel that its important for kids to relate to their parents, to be reminded that they aren't the only teen to be feeling the way that they are. I would love to look back at my mom's teen/ young adult life and be able to read her words and feel a little of what she went through. Memory is always different then actual words written in the moment. We always remember the good and forget the bad. I know that I won't make a big mark on history, and you'll never find my name in the history books, but to my kids and my grand-kids they may one day be very interested in what life I led as a teen and adult. They may wonder what life was like before them and what it was like when they were too little to remember any of it. I try really hard to document every moment of Cam's life. Everyone laughs at me because I saved everything from when he was a "baby" and scrap-booked every moment in his short 9 months. Its so important to me to capture and freeze these moments. I never want my kid(s) to ever wonder if they were loved, and always have a resource to go to when they have questions. I know my memory will become foggy and I want to be able to tell them accurate information. I love hearing about my mom's life before me or even when I was little and have no memory. I love hearing when she was kid and everything that they did. Or about my grand parents and there love story and what it was like to have 2 baby girls or "irish twins" as were called. And having cloth diapers, having to boil them on the stove to clean them, washing clothes by hand..everything is so interesting to me. I wish my grandmother had a journal. I would soak up every word in that thing and read it front to back probably more then once.

To sum this up, I just think that everyone should do what makes them happy. Be who you want to be. Starting today. No saying 'what ifs' or 'I wishes' make them 'I am' or 'I will'. No more tommorrows because today is tommorrow. Yesterday is gone, today is now and life should be lead that way. I want my child(ren) to look back at their childhoods and smile and be happy and one way to make them happen is for me to be happy. How can I be unhappy and expect to raise happy kids? I need to be happy and fill up on love and things that I enjoy so I can spill-out all those things on people in my life that matter. And I also think everyone should document there moments if not for your kids, then for yourself. If I ever (god-forbid) end up in a nursing home eating gross soup then I'll have my journals and pictures to look back on and remember what once was. (That will never happen though because me and Seth have a deal if we ever get to the point where a nursing home is a possibility we are to take eachother out by whatever means nessecary and barry eachother behind the barn or where ever we see fit). Oh, and I want my kid(s) to know the real story behind there mom and dad's love story because I feel its a great little story and cant wait to be asked about it!!! Hey, Its my story..and I'll write it!


This picture is 3 1/2 years old. Wow, do we look young!


Peace All <3

Issue

So i just looked at the blog I posted and all the pictures are cut in half. not sure how to fix this issue but I will try!

sorry I am not computer-savy at all!

Farewell Friend...

I just stumbled upon a scene no animal lover ever wants to see...my betta fish has passed away :( I had been telling myself that I had to add more water to his bowl...but obv. it was not top on my priority list and after I put Cam to bed tonight I headed over to his bowl and found him there..in his final resting place. Now, some....well, most would say that its JUST fish and to them I would say he was not JUST fish..he lived 4 years!! I googled the life expectancy and its only 2 years..so its safe to say he was a grand-pa :( I feel like this is my fault. I should have changed his water sooner..he still had some but it wasn't full to the top. This is sooo sad. Seth, I dont think? will buy me another one ...we'll see though.


This is what he looked like..a beauty huh?? I'm all choked up!!!

Well, I have a little extra time right now, so I will put some pictures up from my brother's wedding that was way back in June. So I'm a little delayed. I am trying to get better about this blogging.

My lovely family<3

I was a bridesmaid and he was a groomsman....cute huh?

My brother Ben and his wife Amber (Bride&Groom)

Wedding party

this would be the whole family..minus the gram and gramps. (too sick to make it)
The wedding was about 2 hours? away. It was Camden's first night away from home. He did really well!! After the wedding we stayed at my dad's camp. Its about an hour away from where the wedding was and was such a nice get away. I'll have to take some pictures of it and show you. Its really nice. My dad built this beautiful farmer's porch on the back of the cabin that over looks a brook. So you hear water flowing and birds chirping...no t.v., no cars, just some mountain men that live next door and the sound of your own heart beating...sooo nice!! Ohh and by mountain men...I am not kidding. These people are crazy. Its amazing, only 3 hours away from home and its like a whole new world...they occusionally come over and bug my dad for beer...ha. at least it keeps us entertained!My dad is OBSESSED with buying camps. He's like on this frenzy. He buys them and then rents them out to hunters..or campers..or for people who enjoy camping but like the luxury of the sink and toliet. The newest one to his addition has beach roses that surrond it..its so nice. And raspberries are growing in the back yard..I wish that I could live there. Ohh, and an even better bonus! A hollowed out old bus in the back that the previous owners used as a wood-shed. Too funny!! I'll def. have to take some pictures of that!


Yesterday was my good friend Nikki's wedding. We went to high school together, and she is just one of those people that you click with. We were best friends in high school and still are. She joined the Navy and is stationed in Guam so I don't see her very often, but her wedding was yesterday and it was BEAUTIFUL. It was this adorable little church and it was candle-lit. It was in Kennebunkport so that should just tell you there. The recpetion afterwords was nice too but we had Camden with us and a 9 month + no sleep is a recipe for disaster. He held it together for a while but after 3 hours he couldn't take it anymore. We got to stay for the cake..which poor thing, COLLASPED. It had whip cream (sooo good by the way) but it like melted. So it was this mushy looking thing..I felt so bad! Oh and on the way over to the reception her dress ripped down the front!! Luckily she had her reception dress in the limo..but poor girl. She held it together really well though. It was really nice. I am so happy that she met someone so nice and charming. She really only deserves the best.

Here's a picture of my adorable little man. God, is he getting big. He holds onto furniture and walks around..getting braver and braver every single day. I just know one of these days he's going to let go and just take off on his own. You can see it in his eyes, he's just dying to let go. They grow up way to fast! The other night we put him on my horse Spirit for the first time with a saddle and he LOVED it. The camera, of course, was dead so I didn't get any pictures but he was laughing and loving it. My mom rode with him for a bit, but its been so long since either one of us had rode her she was feeling good and couldn't help but "kick up her heels" so to speak, so we were a bit nervous with no helmet for the little man. Next time though I will have my camera. What a price-less memory. Spirit is a big part of my childhood. She is a POA (pony-of-america) and I got her for my 4th b-day. Which is like every girls fantasty, but when these things are every day you take them for granted. In high school, I gave up riding because it was "lame" but recently have re-discovered the beauty of horses and the calmness it brings when you ride. Riding is like a smorgish-board of feelings. You feel empowered, you feel free, you feel weightless (literally and figurtively) and just amazing. For me, it brings back so many memories. Riding with my mom, I was on a horse riding before I could walk and riding with my aunt and going on trail rides. I have so many memories that are totally centered around horses. We have 4 in total and I am begging my mom to let me breed Spirit one more time to get a mare (girl) out of her that may be just as good as her. Spirit is the pony that everyone in the family learned to ride on..she is a great horse, but getting up there. 15 years old now. Wow. Time flies when you are having fun! ha. 30 is realllyyyy old. At 30 they usually have tons of problems and can't really see anymore or walk and that becomes dangerous for obv. reasons. When that day comes it'll be way sadder then any betta fish (sorry betta).
Yesterday we went and saw the actual apartment where we will be living. I have mixed feelings. I can't wait to move out to be on our own, as I have talked about before living here isn't the best of times but its still my family and I will miss waking up and seeing their faces. Greeting Cam and I and asking how his night went etc., and miss the wood-stove burning in the winter..and my moms blueberry muffins that she sometimes bakes. Ohh and my most favorite, coming home and having the house cleaned without my moving a finger, those days I am sorry to say are long gone. I will miss my animals and my familiar surrondings. For my husband, he can't back fast enough. He has lived in many different apartments...I think its like 12 or something? and I..I have only lived in my current house! Moving out is really scary and realty is hitting..hard. I won't be able to walk outside and smell the barn, or go and visit with my beloved horses. Or be scared to death to get into my car because the chickens are surronding it. (we'll go there another day) Instead, I'll be faced with buildings all around and the smell of city. While I am ready for new experiences, I am also dreading the change of it all. I will have to surrond my self with familiar things and get animals to make it feel more like home. We have a sunporch which is huge so I think that are going to get a bunny and keep him or her out there until it gets too cold, then bring it inside. And a kitten for sure. Ohh and we cant bring Abbie. I know the adjustment will be so hard. But I guess, it's time to spread our wings and fly. Nobody said growing up was fun OR easy. Its really hard actually!!! :( I cant wait until we have our own house that we can fill with whatever animals we want. And make that our home..something permanent. Not something temporary.

Well I am off to brush my teeth and go to bed! Goodnight all!