Where in the world did the last 1 1/2 years of my life go? Wasn't I just a free spirit, running around, sleeping til' 3 and eating whatever I wanted? Wasn't I a carefree beach going girl? Now I have a little monster who needs my care day and night and a husband who needs clean pants every day. I sometimes wake to Cam's cries and have to remind myself that I am momma now! The one that gets me the most though is when I hear his sweet little voice say "Momma". Ohhh meeee??!! I can't get over that I have a child. A KID! Not a baby, not a helpless little angel that sleeps all day long, but a full-blown house destroying, talking kid. Someone that is a sponge, watching and mimicking everything I do and say. The other day he put 2 words together to form a sentence and I cried. ALREADY? And it was this simple, "More ish" [More Fish] I can't believe it! This little boy who laughs at the kitty walking on the couch and cries when I leave the room. A little boy who insists he be read too for hours on end and loves his tubby time. A little boy who eats all by himself with a big boy fork and spoon. A little boy who requires a bib no more and adores wearing his fathers shoes around the house. My darling boy who is addicted to chocolate. And everything he sees and wants he looks at me with those big eyes and says "More". A little boy who every time we ride in the car insists we listen to "5 Little Ducks went out one day", and is IN LOVE with vrooms vrooms. All boy I guess. But what changed, where did the time go? He used to be a little 7 pound bundle of love that snuggled me and nursed all the time. He used to fall asleep in my arms and snuggle into my body and breath so deeply and comfortably. I used to lay awake and watch him breath just to make sure he was okay. He always slept with me. I couldn't bare the horror stories of babies not making it through the night. I knew my baby would be safe by my side. And know he spins around in circles as fast as he can and then tries to walk. (So funny, btw) He dances to music and says vroom vroom to every car, truck, or van. He attempts to blow on his food to cool it off but instead spits all over his plate. He takes all of the potting soil out of my plants and puts it in the back of his john deer dump truck and drives it around the house going "vroom vroom"! If ever he is quiet you know, oh you just KNOW, he is in the kitty food dish dispensing it through out the laundry room and transferring it into the watering dish to make a big sloppy kitty food mess.
The little boy who comes to my side with his blanket and his pacifier and says more, just for a snuggle. A little boy who needs to be massaged and pampered every morning before he can fully wake up. A little boy who needs juice and cereal ready for him when he wakes up. He doesn't like waiting! A little boy who freaks out if his father and me even hug in front of him. He jumps up and runs between us looking up at us and says "More". My darling, charming, full of life boy. The boy who pooped in the tub last night. The boy who just came to my side and declared he wanted "more" chocolate from the basket at my left that is filled with Easter candy. And even after giving him 2 mini chocolate eggs that both remain in his mouth he puts up a tiny fit for more. "MOOOREEEEEEEEE" He even comes to my left side and points at the basket, as if I needed to see exactly what he wanted more of. This little boy who played in the Bisquick box while I was cooking dinner and in a matter of seconds had the entire box spilled all over the floor, himself and the walls. And then just looked at me with this "what mom"? look. My little boy who I will forever love no matter what. The boy that made me a mommy. The boy that made my dreams come true~
Moving On:
Seth loves his job. I am glad. In this job market its amazing he got it. He had to beg, borrow and steal to get it. But thankfully he got it! Only a matter of time now and we'll be celebrating in our new home. I cant wait to buy a house. It's all I ever think about. I want my son and future kids to grow up in a home that makes memories. Somewhere that is home. I always lived in my parents house so it IS home to me. I want that for my kids. We also want to try for another bibay this summer. Time for Cam to have a little brother or (hopefully) sister! But only if we are in full house searching mode. No apartment with 2 kids. Even though my apartment is huge and spacious. I just want to own! Other then that I am finishing up school, writing more then ever and enjoying life today more then yesterday. Seth and I have have a new outlook on life. Just be happy. SO hard to live by though. Its easy to get stressed or angry and take it out on each other. No more though. No more worries. I can only hope that the snow is done falling! I need SPRING!
thanks for reading,
Bethany
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
A Brand New Day
Last night at class my teacher was falling asleep mid-sentence. His eyes would roll back in his head and his words would become all mumbled together. He is like a medical mystery so his dose of painkillers that he takes everyday would kill a normal person but he functions on 3800 mg of oxy's. They changed his meds and the effects are not being able to function. I couldn't even look at him- I just burst out laughing at every nod. It was so funny. It was like we were being secretly tapped and someone was going to jump out of the woodworks with a camera and say "your on candid camera" or some other foolish t.v. show. But no no, this is my everyday real life. Even my teacher can't function right. I think someone is trying to send me a message?
I took a leave of absence at work to focus on finishing school. With my grandpapa dying I needed a reality check. It was too hard for me to juggle everything. Seth is out on the job market looking for something but, really there is nothing. Its definately an employers market, and with no trade skills, its pretty hard to get an employer to look at your resume. We did our taxes and will live off those until I finish my schooling and get a job. I am excited. For the first time since signing up for CMA I am really excited about getting out there. Camden is older now, and can handle daycare a few times a week. My mom can watch him in the summer and on school vacations, so that'll help. Cam needs the socialization. He doesn't know how to play with other kids. When I take him out where there are other children he plays by himself or just watches the other kids. Its like he's afriad to jump in and get friendly. So, I think that he needs other kids to play with. I swore on everything that my child would never ever go to daycare. Not in one million years. Over my dead body. But, now that he's older and I've had 1+ years with my darling boy, I think he would enjoy the activies and fun that comes with being with other kids all day. Plus, the reality is that we both have to work. So what other options are there? I have talked to other moms who do the daycare scene and they told me that there kids love it. And I thought about it. It does sound like fun. A bestfriend. Crafts. Story time. Painting. Fieldtrips. Songs. Big Books. Puppet shows. hmmmm.....sounds like a great day to me. we'll see. Even as I write, I have mega anxiety.
anyway,
its friday. i don't have no job...... i don't have no money............
looks like cleaning and laundry and vroom vrooms for me.
well, thats if my monster mash gets up. Its 10:05 in the a.m. and the little bugger is still sleeping. ahhh life is good<3
I took a leave of absence at work to focus on finishing school. With my grandpapa dying I needed a reality check. It was too hard for me to juggle everything. Seth is out on the job market looking for something but, really there is nothing. Its definately an employers market, and with no trade skills, its pretty hard to get an employer to look at your resume. We did our taxes and will live off those until I finish my schooling and get a job. I am excited. For the first time since signing up for CMA I am really excited about getting out there. Camden is older now, and can handle daycare a few times a week. My mom can watch him in the summer and on school vacations, so that'll help. Cam needs the socialization. He doesn't know how to play with other kids. When I take him out where there are other children he plays by himself or just watches the other kids. Its like he's afriad to jump in and get friendly. So, I think that he needs other kids to play with. I swore on everything that my child would never ever go to daycare. Not in one million years. Over my dead body. But, now that he's older and I've had 1+ years with my darling boy, I think he would enjoy the activies and fun that comes with being with other kids all day. Plus, the reality is that we both have to work. So what other options are there? I have talked to other moms who do the daycare scene and they told me that there kids love it. And I thought about it. It does sound like fun. A bestfriend. Crafts. Story time. Painting. Fieldtrips. Songs. Big Books. Puppet shows. hmmmm.....sounds like a great day to me. we'll see. Even as I write, I have mega anxiety.
anyway,
its friday. i don't have no job...... i don't have no money............
looks like cleaning and laundry and vroom vrooms for me.
well, thats if my monster mash gets up. Its 10:05 in the a.m. and the little bugger is still sleeping. ahhh life is good<3
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Back Again
So, I have to decided to jump back into blogging. Why you ask? Oh, because there are so many interesting stories that I just have to share. Plus, I like to remember things. And, unless they are written down I can't.
There have been many moments in the last 2 years that have made me feel like a mom. The first time I ever saw camden at 9 weeks on the ultrasound and he looked like a Mexican jumping bean. The first time I ever felt him kick. The first time I saw his beautiful angelic face. Waking up every 2 hours to breastfeed him for the first 12 months of his life. Begging and pleading for him to go back to sleep. Chasing his around the house, crying like a baby at all of his milestones and when he refused to breastfed from me. (Still makes me tear up) Cleaning up all his messes. Changing toddler poopy diapers. Even when I licked my fingers and proceeded to wipe the crust of his face while we were out in public and my charming husband stopped me and said "don't be that mom". But none of those things made me feel more like a mother then this morning. We were eating a chicken salad roll-up and Cam, being a charming kid just like his dad, put it all in his mouth. It was too much for him to chew, and being a mother I knew this so I held out my hand and said "spit it out in my hand". And he did. This glob of chewed up roll up, chicken salad and spit all in my hand. Did I freak out by the slimy feeling that in my hand? Oh no, it wasn't until I reached the trash can and disposed of this mess did I realize what I had just done, without even thinking about it. Before I had Camden, if a 15 month old kid walked up to gagging and wanted to spit it out in my hand I would have freaked. All I could think is, I am a mom. Its happened.
I don't think that's it really hit Seth and I until just recently. He is now a walking, talking, pooping machine. He's like a little man. Imitating everything we do and say. ((Note to self:Watch what I say and do)) Its no joke that we are characters Camden's parents, but we need to watch it so that he doesn't do it at inappropriate time. Jeez its hard to be a mom!!
Last week my grandfather passed away. He battled with cancer for 5 years and finally gave up. I wasn't going to see him in the hospital. I was holding on to the image of him in my head as he was before this awful disease invaded. However, on Monday the 19Th of January after he had already been in the hospital for 3 days something inside of me pushed me out of bed, to get dressed and to drive to the hospital. I had to be there. It was as if there was some magnetic pull dragging me there. I finally walked into his room and saw him. It was so sad. My family tried to be strong. Well, they were really strong, stronger then me but no body's a robot. I couldn't bear to talk to him. It would just swell my eyes with tears. He was just laying there so helpless. This man that worked his whole life, supported his family for years and years was just laying there completely helpless. No family should have to experience the affects of such a tragedy. Cancer is an awful thing. My grandmother, who by the way, should be sainted for taking care of him the way she did, is so strong. Her days will be lonelier and she'll have less to do. There will be no one else to cook 3 meals a day for, or do their laundry or clean up there messes. And puts on his smile and obsesses about her hearing aid and wonders if people can hear it ringing. For me, I would be like finally! A minute to my damn self. But I know facing the rest of your life like that must be so hard. I admire her. She's amazing. And have I told her this? A hundred times. I love you Grammy!
Today I have a wic appt. at 11:30 and then I am going to have my mole removed on my arm. I am a bit sad, the last 20 years I have done everything to hide this ugly spot and now it'll be gone. I hope it doesn't hurt!
Hope you enjoy me back:D
There have been many moments in the last 2 years that have made me feel like a mom. The first time I ever saw camden at 9 weeks on the ultrasound and he looked like a Mexican jumping bean. The first time I ever felt him kick. The first time I saw his beautiful angelic face. Waking up every 2 hours to breastfeed him for the first 12 months of his life. Begging and pleading for him to go back to sleep. Chasing his around the house, crying like a baby at all of his milestones and when he refused to breastfed from me. (Still makes me tear up) Cleaning up all his messes. Changing toddler poopy diapers. Even when I licked my fingers and proceeded to wipe the crust of his face while we were out in public and my charming husband stopped me and said "don't be that mom". But none of those things made me feel more like a mother then this morning. We were eating a chicken salad roll-up and Cam, being a charming kid just like his dad, put it all in his mouth. It was too much for him to chew, and being a mother I knew this so I held out my hand and said "spit it out in my hand". And he did. This glob of chewed up roll up, chicken salad and spit all in my hand. Did I freak out by the slimy feeling that in my hand? Oh no, it wasn't until I reached the trash can and disposed of this mess did I realize what I had just done, without even thinking about it. Before I had Camden, if a 15 month old kid walked up to gagging and wanted to spit it out in my hand I would have freaked. All I could think is, I am a mom. Its happened.
I don't think that's it really hit Seth and I until just recently. He is now a walking, talking, pooping machine. He's like a little man. Imitating everything we do and say. ((Note to self:Watch what I say and do)) Its no joke that we are characters Camden's parents, but we need to watch it so that he doesn't do it at inappropriate time. Jeez its hard to be a mom!!
Last week my grandfather passed away. He battled with cancer for 5 years and finally gave up. I wasn't going to see him in the hospital. I was holding on to the image of him in my head as he was before this awful disease invaded. However, on Monday the 19Th of January after he had already been in the hospital for 3 days something inside of me pushed me out of bed, to get dressed and to drive to the hospital. I had to be there. It was as if there was some magnetic pull dragging me there. I finally walked into his room and saw him. It was so sad. My family tried to be strong. Well, they were really strong, stronger then me but no body's a robot. I couldn't bear to talk to him. It would just swell my eyes with tears. He was just laying there so helpless. This man that worked his whole life, supported his family for years and years was just laying there completely helpless. No family should have to experience the affects of such a tragedy. Cancer is an awful thing. My grandmother, who by the way, should be sainted for taking care of him the way she did, is so strong. Her days will be lonelier and she'll have less to do. There will be no one else to cook 3 meals a day for, or do their laundry or clean up there messes. And puts on his smile and obsesses about her hearing aid and wonders if people can hear it ringing. For me, I would be like finally! A minute to my damn self. But I know facing the rest of your life like that must be so hard. I admire her. She's amazing. And have I told her this? A hundred times. I love you Grammy!
Today I have a wic appt. at 11:30 and then I am going to have my mole removed on my arm. I am a bit sad, the last 20 years I have done everything to hide this ugly spot and now it'll be gone. I hope it doesn't hurt!
Hope you enjoy me back:D
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Real quick
Just wanted to blog real quick and get a few things off my mind...
1. Packing sucks.
I have never really packed my stuff and moved per say, I lived with Seth for a little while but never officially packed my stuff and moved. Now I am. And 20 years of stuff is not a good thing. I have SO much junk. Old diaries, old letters, old poems....all kinds of stuff that I want to save, I just don't know where I am going to put it?
2. MOVING SUCKS
who ever said that it was easy or fun..is crazy. Moving to the 3rd floor, makes matters even worse
3. Picking out paint colors is hard enough, the paint color on the wall not matching the paint chip is really not a good thing.
I picked this great color green to go with my "shabby chic" image and the color green I picked came out really lime greenish...not what I imagined when I was thinking "shabby chic". Seth was like OMG is that really the color? As if the landlord had played some cruel joke on us and painted this hideous lime greenish color.
4. Husband + Painting = DISASTER.
Just don't do it. Ever.
...That's it for now. Back to slave painting. Cross your fingers that the remaining colors look as they are supposed too!!
Loves to all <3
1. Packing sucks.
I have never really packed my stuff and moved per say, I lived with Seth for a little while but never officially packed my stuff and moved. Now I am. And 20 years of stuff is not a good thing. I have SO much junk. Old diaries, old letters, old poems....all kinds of stuff that I want to save, I just don't know where I am going to put it?
2. MOVING SUCKS
who ever said that it was easy or fun..is crazy. Moving to the 3rd floor, makes matters even worse
3. Picking out paint colors is hard enough, the paint color on the wall not matching the paint chip is really not a good thing.
I picked this great color green to go with my "shabby chic" image and the color green I picked came out really lime greenish...not what I imagined when I was thinking "shabby chic". Seth was like OMG is that really the color? As if the landlord had played some cruel joke on us and painted this hideous lime greenish color.
4. Husband + Painting = DISASTER.
Just don't do it. Ever.
...That's it for now. Back to slave painting. Cross your fingers that the remaining colors look as they are supposed too!!
Loves to all <3
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
5 More Days
Until I move out!! Yay!!!
Here are the pictures from my saturday at willow brook! It was so much fun!
this was the fake cow that kids are allowed to "milk"
And this was the tractor that Camden Loved!
Loves!!
Here are the pictures from my saturday at willow brook! It was so much fun!
this was the fake cow that kids are allowed to "milk"
And this was the tractor that Camden Loved!
Loves!!
Friday, August 22, 2008
This Is The Way I Live....
Tonight I was blog-hopping (I AM ADDICTED) and stumbled on a blog that mentioned everything she wanted to accomplish in the next year. Now, I could do a list that consists of things I want to accomplish in my 20's, but that's 10 years, and honestly, a list that long will scare me away. Let's take in months people. I thought that it was a great idea, although I am not sure that even if I write the words will I actually fulfill what's written. I have this issue committing. I kinda suck at it. ha. In the last 10 months I have done SO good dieting and working out for like a week or so and then I give up and stop. If I don't see immediate results I'm like screw this. SO here's my list of things I want to do in the next 12 months.
1.Keep a commitment
2.Lose the baby weight.
3.Pay off debt.
4.Get better about scrap-booking.
5.Eat Better.
6.Do Yoga!
7.Start running!
8.Stop judging.
9.Put clothes away after I fold them
10.Be a GREAT mom
11.Be a Better listener.
12. Stop focusing so much on what I don't have and realize how blessed I am to have everything I actually do have.
I will probably add more. We'll see. This'll be fun to see how far I get with it.
Today was an alright day. Last night, not so much. Camden woke up EVERY 30 minutes and just screamed. He has a sore throat...and I thought maybe an ear infection? But, I brought him to the doctor's and he just has a little bug. But, none the less, very fussy!! I feel so bad when he's sick like that, because there's nothing I can do. I am scared to give him any kind of pain reliever because when he was about 3 months old he was teething and I gave him some Motrin and he instantly got this horrible rash all over his face and body and his face started to swell. It was really scary. I brought him to the doctor's right away and they told me he was allergic to it and never to give it to him again. And then when he was about 5 months Old I gave him Tylenol and he started choking and gagging like he couldn't swallow or something and so I decided that Tylenol was no good either, even though my doctor reassured me it was fine. But its weird because he's fussy, but he's still his old cheerful self too. It like comes in waves. But he's sooo tired and sick. And all he wants to do (most of the time) is nurse and rock. Um, and have I mentioned that he has been BITING me....He wants to nurse, So I nurse him and then he bites. My boobs are so sore. And yes, I am some kind of delirious physco mom who feels that her child needs his boob milk until he is a year regardless if I am hurting and scared that I may never have sensation back ever again. Ohhh well, at least it will give him all the antibodies he needs!!!
Other then him being fussy fussy fussy and me being tired tired tired, not much is going on. Been working on school work, trying to get the finished. In my ways of being super excited can't stand it to move out moods and then being like no thank you, I don't want to move. At least I have my blazer back, did I mention that Seth has a truck now? Thank Jesus. I love just being able to leave when I want. Even though I haven't ventured too far because my poor little babe is sick.
On tomorrow's agenda, it looks like we are going to this great little place that I visited when I was like 10. It's called Willowbrooke, and its a great little "town" that is supposed to resemble the 19Th century. It's like you have stepped right back there and its really cool. You get to walk through the houses, and watch the machines being used like they were back in the 1800's...and all this really cool stuff! Tomorrow is a special event and the admission is free and they have a carousel ride! It's going to be a great time. I LOVE going places that are set to resemble "old times". Although, I am very scared of ghosts...I love old farm houses, I love learning the history behind such old things! I just love history. One day, I am going to learn more about my parents house. I plan on heading to the local library and rummaging through to see if there are any pictures (their house was built in 1830) or a story or SOMETHING. Or even something on the area. One day! Anyway, it s a great place to go, (from what I remember..?) here's the link: http://www.willowbrookmuseum.org/index.html
And then Sunday its Acton Fair Baby!!!
Got some cute pictures of Camden today just hanging out...
Then he Went over to the ENDLESS woodpile and decided to play in the wood shed.
Then I caught this..it was SO cute!
No pictures of the apartment yet...BUT soon!!!
Have a good one!
Bethany
Thursday, August 21, 2008
La La La
Yesterday Me and Camden had a ball hanging out outside. Soaking up the sun and just having fun. I love how old he is and how we can actually do things together. It makes the day much more fun! When he was a little baby I loved it, but now we can do things, not just sit there. So it's exciting.
these are my parents horses. I love this picture!!!
My Parents Land!! SO beautiful!
Camden in his swing! It was actually the first time I put him in it and he LOVED it!!! Which is surprising, because when he was a newborn he HATED the swing!!!
And this is a picture of the tree:
I didn't get any pictures of the apartment...because I am a big giant loser and forgot the camera. But I will get some soon I promise! And the apartment finally looks better, its getting cleaner and cleaner!!!
Until next time,
Get outside and enjoy the (semi) warm days!!
Bethany
these are my parents horses. I love this picture!!!
My Parents Land!! SO beautiful!
Camden in his swing! It was actually the first time I put him in it and he LOVED it!!! Which is surprising, because when he was a newborn he HATED the swing!!!
And this is a picture of the tree:
I didn't get any pictures of the apartment...because I am a big giant loser and forgot the camera. But I will get some soon I promise! And the apartment finally looks better, its getting cleaner and cleaner!!!
Until next time,
Get outside and enjoy the (semi) warm days!!
Bethany
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